New York - Part 2

So after a thorough grilling at the hands of the Department of Homeland Security ("There are FOUR LIGHTS!") we were free to enter the US of A.

Also, the snack bar was open again. Win.

Since the train ride is an ungodly 11 hours, the conductor was kind enough to make a pit stop in Albany.

For those that don't know, Albany is like a ghost town, filled with people.  Now hear me out.  We had 45 minutes to wander around and I walked 20 minutes in one direction and found... nothing.

Now don't get me wrong, Albany is a wonderful place.  To refuel.

Once it was clear my butt had permanently molded to the seat, we arrived in the "Big Apple" -- sorry, but the REAL Big Apple has PIE.  Next, I met my friend at Penn Station.

At least, that was the plan.

Penn Station is friggin' HUGE. And decidedly unlike Albany, it is bustling with people. In fact, it is difficult to cross the mezzanine without getting to third base at least four times.  If you're thinking of living in New York, this is something you'd better get used to.

We finally found each other, somehow, then set out immediately to find some food.

Since I am something of a connoisseur, and my stomach was practically eating itself, we stopped at the first place we found: Chipotle's.

My friends, the rumours are true.

Now that my stomach was no longer figuratively -- but in fact, literally -- eating itself, we decided to walk the 80 blocks to the apartment we were staying at.

One thing you notice when walking Manhattan is that it is a deceptively huge mo'-fuggin' island. It's like the island from Lost -- they just keep cramming more and more stuff into it. And every other person is probably packing.

Another thing one notices is the steady decline in socioeconomic status as you move away from Times Square.

At 2am we arrived -- in East Harlem.

Worth It

So this morning I was woken up at the ungodly hour of 6am by the incessant cawing of a crow.  Seriously, this bird would not shut up. 

For 45 minutes.

As I finally dragged myself out of bed I suddenly understood why they call it a "murder" of crows.

That's when I discovered this, right outside my bedroom window. 

I can haz ur garbage?

Aw universe, I can't even try to stay mad at you.

Sharing the Love

Hey Readers!

So you may have noticed I haven't been around a lot lately (why do ALL my posts start this way lately?)


We knew it!  You're cheating on us with another blog!

No!  It's not like that.

.....

Ok it's like that.

I've been spending a lot of time over at the APC.

It's because the sex is so good isn't it?

Uh...

They don't understand you like we do! 

Look, this doesn't mean we can't hang out anymore.  It just means I've gotta spread the love a little, you know?  You're suffocating me!

We thought we were your only.

Aw nobody can replace you guys.  I just think we should consider... "opening up" the relationship.  You know, to make it stronger.* 

Think about it!  We can be like that family in Big Love!  Because it worked out so well for them.

*seriously does anyone ever actually believe that?


Here's a taste of what I've been up to over at the APC:


Sony Network Suffers Massive Intrusion

A Chinese Facebook?


This is gonna work out you guys.  I have a good feeling :)

More Milestones

This is another proud moment for the blog.  Today, BTYBP issues its first retraction.

That's right, up until now this blog has been setting the standard* of factual accuracy, academic rigor and journalistic integrity.

*I just didn't say what standard.

However, it has come to my attention that my previous "Milestones" post unfairly slandered one of my hapless  loyal followers: Jenn M.

Apparently, my comments about her being a "lurker" and not understanding the RSS feed were unfounded.  Jenn has in fact been a loyal follower under the pseudonym "genevieve".  Which, by the way, I know two Genevieves and you are not one of them!  That position has been filled.

I am however still not convinced she knows how to use a microwave.  Show me the proof Jenn.  Preferably in the form of a pizza pocket.

So in the interests of balance and fairness - Fox News style - I've decided to share the following completely true facts about Jenn: 

Jenn cannot be killed.  So far this is true.
Jenn can open automatic doors.  With her mind.  
Jenn has a unicorn named Tabitha.  No, it's invisible.  And no, you can't ride it.
Jenn knows what you did last summer.  And you should be very, very ashamed.

Just Do It!

Seeing as how it's election season, I figured it was time for another important announcement about Democracy. 

I may not be storming the beaches of Normandy, but I am almost completely sober while writing this post.  That's called patriotism. 

Now, if I remember my half-semester of civics class, voting is good.  And, as I rudely discovered in 2008, there are marked differences between our electoral system and Survivor.

"Wait, I thought we voted him OFF the island!"

Now, shockingly, that mandatory civics class we took in high school has not instilled the democratic fervor in our youth.  Kinda like how we've all taken French since Grade 3 and yet still mispronounce "poutine".

Seriously, young people just don't vote.  Maybe it's because we've never had to fight for our right to cast a ballot; maybe it's because Super Mario has no save feature, but it's a problem.

For those of you who think you're "too cool" to vote, or who think your vote doesn't count, let me say this:

YOU ARE THE REASON MY TUITION KEEPS GOING UP

If you don't vote, you have no right to complain about anything the government does.  None at all.

Worse, do you know who IS voting?  The elderly.

Now I don't know about you, but MY grandma (bless her heart) still says things like "black" music is too "uppity".

THAT IS WHO IS SPEAKING FOR YOU

Seriously guys, go vote.  Do it ironically if you have to.  If you've got a fake ID, vote twice.  We need you.

MILESTONES

Hey friends!

I didn't even realize it, but yesterday was our 100th post!  We made it!!

This calls for champagne!  Let me check just the budget...

Okay so this calls for Oreos! 

I want to give my most sincere thanks to my followers.  All twelve of you.  You know who else had twelve followers?  Jesus.  Although I'm pretty sure one of them wasn't his mom.

To all my lurkers: follow me already!  Don't think I can't see your page views.  What, you think you're "too cool" to subscribe? 

One lurker in particular deserves special mention: Jenn M, who keeps texting me for the address to the blog :P

You know who has the address?  YOUR RSS FEED.  USE IT.  Seriously, my mom figured it out and she can barely work the microwave. 

Now it's time for...

The 100th Post Awards:

E3, for being by FAR the most prolific commenter.  Your Oreos are in the mail.

Jenn M, for being my most faithful non-follower.  Your encouragement keeps me going.

Andrew (another lurker), for lending me Raging Bull and Catch 22.  Not blog-related, but still cool.

New York - Part 1

Oh my gawd is he posting again?!

Yes, yes he is. 

Since you've all been very patient lately, and I woke up at 6am this morning, I decided it was past time for some more sweet, delicious pie.  And then blogging.

So last month I was making plans to visit my friend from Baltimore.  Yeah, I have a Baltimore friend.  Jealous?

But since Baltimore is, well, Baltimore we decided to meet each other half way (read: not nearly half way) in New York City!!

After a few weeks of excited planning the day had finally arrived.  More accurately, 4am on the morning of had finally arrived.  Basically, if you're going to wake up at 4am, it's more economical just to not sleep at all.  At least that was my thinking at the time.

So drunk on, let's say, fatigue, I zig-zagged my way to the bus station, stopping at the 24/7 365 bagel shop* to get some authentic Montreal-style bagels. 

*Seriously, they never close.  Heart.

This is important, as not only are Montreal bagels the unparalleled best in existence, there are people in the world who have not yet tasted their dough-y glory.  We call them savages.

Equally important, there are those (like my friend) who insist that New York bagels are, in fact, the best.  Likewise, there are those (like myself) who call her a dirty liar.

Here's a small taste of our debate:

"Seriously, New York bagels are like amazing!"

"BLASPHEMER!!  YOU WILL BE FIRST AGAINST THE WALL."

At 8am I arrived in Montreal to find that it was still snowing.  Seriously, it's not allowed to snow after my birthday, that's the rule! 

Side note:  
Hey ancestors, you know they had Florida right?  It was like, right there!  (Two of my brothers live in Orlando and after I come in from shoveling snow, there they are on skype saying it's "so cold" they didn't want to "jump in the pool today".  Yeah well, no christmas presents.)

So I get on the train in Montreal, ready for the ELEVEN HOUR JOURNEY to New York City.  Only, there's a hitch.  I happen to get on the only train in existence that does not have wifi.  Seriously guys, I'm pretty sure the godam FREEDOM TRAIN had wifi.

Luckily, the guy sitting next to me turned out to be pretty damn cool.  Cool enough to talk to for eleven hours.  He also agreed that Montreal bagels are the best, and thus, a beautiful friendship was born.

As we crossed the border, the Department of Homeland Security came on board and made the rounds.  Basically, their game is a variation on the classic good-cop bad-cop routine.  Except there is no good cop.

Seriously, these guys are crazy.  The DHS is like that kid in elementary school whose dad drank too much.  They get all full metal jacket on yo' ass if you try to go to the bathroom.  And don't even THINK about bringing that banana into the States.  You might smuggle in some kind of Canadian pathogen.  Because, you know, we clearly grew it in Ontario.

After giving me a thorough grilling they turned to my new friend.  Who is brown.  And apparently from Algeria.  Le sigh.

This was going to take a while.