Making Faces at Vodka (and Babies)

UPDATE:  There is a shout-out that is long past due.  E3 has time and again been the one to keep me accountable.  She's like the mom of this blog.  Only she doesn't hit me.  As hard.

Anyway, you guys owe her.  Big time.

And now back to our regularly scheduled programming

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Dear pie lovers.  I must apologize   again  reluctantly  sincerely.

I have once again dropped the ball.  It's not that I don't love you (you know you guys are my only), it's that this last week I have been inundated with school/work/family related things. 

My brother's family was in town (how cool is it that he has a family?) so there was lots of visiting with my   first   only   favourite nephew.  He still won't remember me, but he totally dug hanging out on my shoulder.

In other news, I delivered a big presentation on monday, followed by an application meeting for military intelligence.  Then today I handed in a french project, and attended a career fair  where I got myself a shiny new CSIS water bottle!  I'm like, totally James Bond y'all.  (Except I still make a face when I drink vodka.  Working on it.)

Before falling off the face of the Earth, I had entered a writing competition to be the Billings Bridge Blogger.  Billings Bridge being the local mall and me being the starving artist type.  Well, as it turns out I didn't win (I want a recount!) so I will be  drowning my sorrows (and making vodka face)  bitterly complaining  posting my entry here.

Since the contest called for a "unique approach to shopping" and I am a heterosexual male I decided to go with the private eye "gumshoe" angle.  Evidently, they were not impressed:

When I heard about the Blogger contest, I knew I was the one for the job.  And not just because I used to work at the Tim Horton’s.  But because I know stuff.  I’m gonna give you guys the down-low.  I’ll be your man on the inside, giving you tips on sales, deals, in-store romances, you name it. 

For instance, did you guys know Billings Bridge is the first Green Mall in Ontario?  Cause it is.  Stick around; I’m full of all sorts of useful information.  Take notes. 

So this morning I decided to do some research.  Scope the place out.  Sniff the air, as it were. 

I started at Little Critters where Oh Em Gee you guys!  They totally let me play with the ferret!  You know, for research.  The ferret had no name, and so he will henceforth be known as Mr. Wigglesworth (can I keep him?  PUWEEEZ!).  Also, did you know there’s such a thing as a lion-headed rabbit?  It’s a thing.  Google it.

My next stop was Laura Secord, where the lovely Hannah and Natalie made it their personal mission to make me fat.  Seriously, they thrust free samples at me as if they would be personally offended should I refuse.  Not one to be impolite, I indulged of their many chocolaty treasures.  Choice favourites included the Orange Cream: “A duet of orange mousse and decadent dark chocolate.”  Read that again.  Now tell me you don’t want one.

Natalie then told me all about the return of the “Buttermallow” – which is exactly what it sounds like: delicious – all the while showering me with samples in a way that was starting to approach Sin.  This went on until I literally had to ask her to stop (bless her heart).  I ended up buying a box of truffles.  What?  It was a gift!  For myself.  Don’t judge me you weren’t there. 

Now, I know what you’re thinking: “I’ve seen Blow.  I know how this works.  The first one is always free.”  But seriously guys.  Go there.  Thank me later. 

Next up was Grand and Toy.  I bought a box of pens – I’m a writer; you can never have too many pens – and was asked if I’d like to donate to Kidsfest, a charity to buy school supplies for underprivileged kids.  After donating a dollar (on my two dollar purchase) I got to put my name on the wall for my “generous” contribution.  And guess what?  There’s another Grady out there!  And he’s charitable.   Grady, if you’re reading this, we should totally hang out.

My last stop was McDonough’s Independent Grocery.  Did you guys know they deliver?! I know what you’re thinking: “All this time I’ve been shopping for my own groceries like a sucker!” 

Stick with me, guys.  I’m going to dig up the deals for you. 

Future Investigations:

Grady gets a mani-pedi at Trendy Nails

                         

Grady blows his whole gift certificate at Il Paradiso Salon and Spa

Grady abuses the LCBO’s free sample policy