I've just learned via The Bloggess that dolphins masturbate. And now, so have you.
This begs the question: how?
Do they rub up against other dolphins? That wouldn't so much be masturbating as second base...
Maybe Flipper just kind of cuddles up to the sea bed and goes to town. Not unlike how my mom's cat used to make frantic, passionless love to my pillow.
I would probe further into this, but frankly the thought of googling "dolphin" and "masturbate" gives me chills.
...
Ok I did it. The things I do for you, Reader.
Apparently it's not uncommon for dolphins to try raping unsuspecting swimmers. Yes, I said raping. It would seem that some dolphins enjoy using people as sex toys.
Now my mind has gone to a(n even) dark(er) place: I remember all those stories about sailors lost at sea... "Look! It's dolphins! They've come to save us!"
I need to step away from the Internet now. It's not safe.
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