God's Wrath

Yesterday, it finally happened. I joined the madness that is Twitter. I lost my twirginity, my cyber twerry. My productivity may never recover.

I swear, I did it for the most noble of reasons: my friend is doing the ride to conquer cancer this weekend, and she promised to update us all via Twitter.

So I decided to dive right in with my first tweet. The gravity of the situation strangely disconnected from the juvenile subject matter:

"I'm alone in the office, so why am I still trying to muffle the sound of my farts?"

Evidently, the gods were dissatisfied with my offering. Shortly thereafter the whole building started to shake; it was an earthquake. A fucking earthquake.

Deigning to forgo subtlety, the universe had sent me a clear warning: I was meddling with forces beyond my comprehension.

Tread carefully, mortal.