So tonight I heard an unholy noise coming from the basement. It was violent and vaguely mechanical, like two robots either locked in mortal combat or fornicating furiously.
After a few moments spent picking out appropriate names for my new robot pets (Clanko and Mecha-Marty), I went downstairs to investigate and was relieved/disappointed to discover that it was just the washing machine pleading for a merciful death.
The machine had been shaking so violently it had ripped the front panel clean off. I looked inside to see all the gears and wires and watched the washing compartment desperately making a bid for freedom. Unable to bear it's continued suffering, I lifted the lid to end the madness.
I guess I'd never actually considered how complicated some of our appliances are. I was half expecting to see the washer elves stumbling out, rubbing their eyes and blinking in the light. Then I thought, if there are elves where will they go? Who will look after them? What are good elf names?
At this point I began to grow concerned. It was simply too much of a coincidence that my toaster AND my washing machine would self-destruct in the same week.
There was only one logical explanation:
The elves were rising up against me.
By failing to rinse my dishes before loading them into the dishwasher, I had unknowingly fomented the seeds of Revolution. Now the elves were organized, and they were pissed.
Now it's late and I'm hungry but I dare not open my fridge for fear of an ambush.
In the unlikely event that I survive the night, more Pie tomorrow!
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